ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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