Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
