God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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