Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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