I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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