shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
