My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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