"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
