He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Randomize
