His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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