She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
