My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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