Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
