Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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