He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
