idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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