Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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