The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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