She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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