he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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