Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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