it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
