i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
