I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
