Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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