i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
