wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
