I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
