I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
