you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
