Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
