you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
