i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
