David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
