You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
