Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
