Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
