i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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