The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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