Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
