I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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