i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
