im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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