why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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