so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
