Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
