thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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