i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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