apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize