Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
