She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
