You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
