Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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