dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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