I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize