At least make sure they are 18
Why
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if only i could text you this smell
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
