And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
