Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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