The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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