he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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