You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize