Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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