sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
