why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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