i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
