bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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