Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
