What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I didn't notice because vodka
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
