I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
