just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
