Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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